It is really difficult to put someone’s life of many decades into a few paragraphs.
I Gave Dad a book of newspapers for the year he was born, you will see him in one of the photos reading it. So, a few facts from that year
Dad was born in 1937, in a period of time before the 2nd World War. Events of that year
Crowning of George 6th
1st Commercial Flight for Pan AM
Disney’s Snow White premiered
Emergency call service 999 launched, and topical subject…
Kleenex launched the paper tissue, no more “germ filled hankies”
Dad wasn't always an easy person to get along with, he knew that though! He liked things done the right way... His way! The song he chose to end the service today proves this, very much tongue in cheek! But that says it all about his character!
Born in Winchester, he spent his childhood with his sister Esme and his mum and dad, May and Bill. Times were pretty hard, children were seen and not heard, it was a strict upbringing but brought with it a resilience and strong work ethic. In that era emotions were kept in check and a stiff upper lip was the norm, its how everyone survived.
After school and a stint in the RAF which he really enjoyed, dad began working in building and construction like his father before him, and started raising a family, Gerard, Kieron, Justine and Leon.
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Keiron is in Australia so cannot join us today, but we are doing a recording for him, and his thoughts are with us today in the following tribute:
Many generations
blame the ones before
bringing their frustrations
beating on your door.
We sometimes don’t agree
in the past or present tense
we speak a different language
in our own defence.
We talk with raised voices
in anger with intent
sacrificing the future
often unsure what we meant.
But if we listened closer
and if we chose to hear
the past and the present
become very clear.
I wasn’t there that evening
when my father passed away
but over the years I told him
the things I had to say.
I’m glad for the relationship I had with my Father and I’m glad he got to know me. Rest in peace now Dad. Love from your Son Kieron, Daughter In Law Anne and Grandson Toby. X
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As is common these days, our family became a patchwork family and later mum and dad met each other. Helen and I followed, Dad continued to progress in building surveyor work, running his building company Associated Building Services.. It says a lot about him that he wanted to set up his own company, be his own success.
One notable job was being involved in the renovation project for the round table in Winchester in the 1970, when it was taken it down, letting the experts do their work and then ensuring it was put carefully back in pride of place. His success was documented in the Hampshire Chronicle newspaper, he kept the article and remained rightly proud of this achievement
The last 20 years of his working life were spent worked side by side with mum, looking after 92 properties for Winchester Working Men’s Housing Society. They retired in 2016: and it’s evident from the kind messages we have received that they made a significant and positive impact on the tenants lives.
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I have some of our memories I'd like to share:
- being bounced on his knee while he sang along to a song to which he knew neither the words or the melody for…
- him walking in the room out of the blue wearing Gemma's straw hat, or on another occasion wearing Amber's hat/scarf combo (we have a photo of this one!)
-sitting there with George, our very large Labrador, sitting on his lap so you could just about see dad’s head
-later sitting with little Rusty, their Jack Russel cross, cradling him while he sat there blissfully snoozing before dad tucked him into his bed!
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Helen
I remember we use to play draughts as kids, pretty sure Dad cheated, he won far too many times. He had a saying when he fell asleep watching some rubbish on tv and we tried to change the channel, "I was watching that". I cant remember who was louder, Dad or the family dog George, who was curled up on Dads lap, both fast asleep in the armchair.
I guess I became closer to Dad over this past year with Covid and his health issues, watching him go from strong minded and dominant person to a more timid person, stubborn right to the end, remember his stubbornness with keeping his monitor on his finger at hospital!
Dad was not known for showing that he cared, I think that was due to how he was brought up, but I will always keep the memory of the last time I saw Dad when visiting with Mum at hospital, when she took her face mask off so Dad could see her, and he raised his hand to stroke her face, beautiful.
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We had holidays in Jersey, trips to Bournemouth Beach and Hayling Island, and walks down the Meadows in Winchester in summer along with a visit to the Queens Head for a packet of crisps and a drink in the gardens there. Such lovely memories of our holidays, never able to spend lots of money, but they are fond happy times for us.
Gardening was a passion for dad, and also a way to unwind, he looked after an allotment too behind the house for a number of years and also had his greenhouses and a shed in the garden.
He had his weekly outing to follow his other passion, photography, and his talent with this definitely shows in the pictures that he took.
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Dad has always suffered with ill health, certainly in later years. He kept going no matter what was thrown at him: heart problems after a chest virus, a knee that had to be replaced, then emergency surgery for his tummy 10 years ago.
In the last 18 months he was slowing down, still carrying on, but clearly not feeling himself. It was hard watching him become ever more fragile and quieter, but age comes to us all and he was no exception of course.
A fall, a spell in hospital, and then we were told he wasn't going to recover. He still fought on though, determined to not give in, and in many ways this was typical dad!
Mum, Helen and I did manage to spend some time with him, Covid being a threat to us all meant this time was very limited, so difficult for us but also others in the family who could not be allowed to see him.
In a way his not being aware of what was happening was a blessing, he didn’t carry the burden of worry the rest of the family and friends did.
Even if you know it’s coming, it’s still a shock when someone passes, and time is the only thing to dull this shock and sadness, thankfully we have a strong family to get through this.
Relationships are like a garden, ever changing, and needing constant care. This brings challenges, but also so many opportunities for us: how we see and deal with these challenges makes who we are. Regrets are pain and suffering that will never end unless we let them go. Regrets we didn't say or do something different, didn't do "more" wanting to go back... wanting to change history… these are all impossible goals...
Everyone has an image they portray, a shield against the world, a fortress. It’s the ones who become closest and love them the most that see the person that really lives there. Family and friends bring care, protection, forgiveness and an unshakable bond no matter what happens in life.
Cherio Dad, See you presently, give our love to everyone, Mum sends her love, as do us all, and as you would always say, “it’ll be alright”
Mum
We had a good marriage lasting 48 years married, together 52 years altogether,
20 of them we worked side by side looking after 92 properties for Winchester working
Mens Housing Society, until we retired in 2016.
Then worked in our garden until ill health overtook him
Always in my heart